Writing Happy

I've often wondered why I can't seem to write "happy". I've often heard people say "Write what you know" and I find it so sad that I don't know *real* happy. It is also often said that writing your woes can be cathartic - just get it out of you. The irony, for me, is that I write 'my sad' and I end up more sad. It doesn't take the weight off my mind. It doesn't really add anything either...but staying in a 'mind rut' just isn't fun.

Outwardly, I can be smiley and upbeat and 'yay', but as soon as I am home alone, that all fades away. I can't seem to hold on to "happy" for very long. The world is Happy's partner, and I am but the fling.

And that fact alone adds to "my sad."

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...

-Tears for Fears